Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
