I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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