You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I will be naked everywhere
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
