if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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