You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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