peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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