anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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