Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
