My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
