just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
