If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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