I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just high enough for therapy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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