so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
