new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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