it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
