I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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