Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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