I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
