UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
