New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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