Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize