She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
