This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
