I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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