There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize