I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
