There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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