paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
