i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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