I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
