you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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