Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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