grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
