He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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