Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He better not be in your backpack
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
