No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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