And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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