For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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