just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
