I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
