i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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