Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
