I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just high enough for therapy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
do nipples grow back?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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