no, he came in my armpit
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
