i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize