I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
