Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's shark week go big or go home
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
