I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
