I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
