Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
