I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
