nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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