6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
