im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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