Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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