there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
