Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
