Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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