You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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