Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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