you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize