Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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