He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
