I hate all girls vehemently.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
