I heard we made out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
