No more Irish car bombs ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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