I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
