it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize