Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
