i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
