Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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