and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
zippers are such a cool invention
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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