the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
