Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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