i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
